Boys…

Dating is very difficult to do. Not so much for the one with DID but for the brave men and women who are brave enough to try to love several people in very different ways.

It’s difficult to ‘come out’ to a potential suitor or friend. People with DID that I have met late in life in my haven of Timberlawn. It was the only place we felt completely safe to be free. This caused a lot of switching but we had never felt happier in our life then among others like us. Because someone else could truly sympathize and know your struggles it was like being seen for the first time.

As a child I was blessed with a beauty that boys found attractive and had several admirers but the thought of being alone with a boy of any age terrified every part of me because of our previous experiences with members of the opposite sex. They couldn’t be trusted alone with us.

So we learned to push the ones who tried to love us away and the closer they tried to get parts would throw up the walls and lash out in some cases into violent outbursts.

In second grade a boy looked up my dress while I played alone with my ‘friends’ on the monkey bars. I jumped down and kicked him in the groin and walked off. Trouble was when we were sent to the principles office the memory just wasn’t there.

In third grade a boy stole a kiss and One alter punched him in the face and later on that week another kept stealing his pencils and withheld it until he kissed her.

This was a trend of behavior that plagued my childhood way into teen hood. The only two we let escape are two of the most wonderful men I am blessed to have in my life. John who we met at the body’s age of twelve and Tom who we met at the difficult age of fifteen.

When faced with the choice of allowing the parts of us that adored them to have them and eventually destroying the friendship they made us feel they had for us or letting them go by rejecting the subtle hints they gave us and hold onto them forever

we choose to let them go and sat back and celebrated their marriage and birth of their offspring with John and is wonderful wife ester because our friendship was pure and when Tom joined the military we said goodbye and respectfully bowed out when he married and had a child of his own.

But the ache wasn’t there. We saved them from us is what we thought and felt.

DID is something you can’t hide and shouldn’t hide from someone you are interested. Trust me they WILL eventually come to the conclusion that your either crazy or psychotic because your hot then cold and she/he can tell the difference but the person with DID can’t and quite often won’t remember what just happened when they suddenly ‘come to’. It feels like amnesia.

Missing pieces of time that you eventually can learn to listen to someone to fill you in on what just happened from within.

So because of these types of examples we choose to instead reject those that try to get close to avoid having to ‘come clean’ about what’s really going on.

They deserve to choose to get out then and there with ‘fair warning’ and if they stay give them a learning curve. After all you had to take time to learn to pretend to be a ‘only one’ too…