Being diagnosed

I wasn’t diagnosed correctly for most of my life. I didn’t Dr shop or even know what type of Dr I even needed so I would stay with a therapist and counselor for several years and only change if my insurance did.

Being misdiagnosed is very disheartening because you are left feeling that your alters are considered your symptoms. Two of my alters are very young and two are teens and the rest are adults. The emotion caused from the memories they held for me would come pouring out and pills would be thrown in my growing medicine cabinet to dull them out.

I became a shadow walking around never really feeling seen. The alters started to run the body and confusion became the norm. Pieces of time would be unaccounted for. My behavior affected my relationships with the people I dated as well as my family.

In 2005 I suffered a mental breakdown and after swallowing a bottle full of Xanax my step sister took me to a hospital that people from across the country would travel seeking help and had great success.

Timberlawn facility is not much to look at but they offer a trauma center and offer specialist that have dealt various kinds of results that the trauma caused by a wide range of reasons.

You are required to participate in group and one on one counseling as well as the classes the offer to help release your feeling that we keep bottled in to try to appear normal to those around us.

Pretending and playing make believe was us trying to appear to others as someone who was strong and independent which often causes you to appear unapproachable which is the goal. However, this is very tiring and eventually something can cause that wall to collapse and you either give into the depression or you seek help.

In my case I possessed an alter that goes into survival mode when my alter that feels everything so intensely that she was still cutting and fantasizing about the peaceful calm that she felt could only be obtained through the death of the body.

Timberlawn was my second facility to have visited and initially I was terrified of everyone around me until I actually found someone in that group that was like me. Splintered.


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